Brit-Log Round Up

Some interesting wood-based stories in this week's Brit Log round up. As ever, some intense felling has been going on in Fife; despite the snow, a lot of coniferous chopping up near Aviemore (if they're not culled they have a nasty habit of mucking about - something nobody wants to see in the height of the ski season).

A brown Austin Allegro was mistaken for a log in Norfolk on Sunday. The error was corrected before any lasting damaged occurred. Much embarrassment and a fair bit of hilarity ensued in the East Anglian lowlands.

In philosophical Enniskillen, a tree fell over in a deserted wood but no one was quite sure whether it made a noise. This is thought to be due to the gunshots.

That log in Llandudno is still being a twat.

When Jones et al flippantly remarked that it "only takes one tree to make a thousand matches", they could not have known how eerily close to reality they actually were, as on Friday a Lancastrian tree was made into one thousand and nine matches. Each capable, in their own special phosphorus tipped way, of burning down a thousand trees.

And finally, well done to the two trees in Wolverhampton who tied their knot last Thursday in the first asexual civil ceremony for large, perennial, woody plants. If the Box (Buxux sempervirens) and the Wild Cherry (Prunus avium) involved in the matrimonial union decide to cross-pollinate*, the happy couple will produce a Wild Box hybrid.

*Wicked tree whispers suggest that cross-pollination has already occurred, with the union something of a shotgun affair.